The Aftermath
by misskiana
Summary: [AFTER NEW MOON] Edward is back and more selfcritical than ever. What does he do when he comes to realize that the Bella he knew and still loves has changed and the impact of what he did?
1. Back Again

**Hello…okay so I know that I really really really shouldn't start another story. I'm a horrible person, I know. Stop rubbing it in my face. I'll try to update everything soon too. Okay? I'm sorry…I hope this is good. This is after New Moon, okay. If you haven't read that yet, sorry but don't go further than this. It gives big stuff away. Major spoilers! You have been warned. **

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend Jarcy because she is awesome and she always makes me laugh.**

**Here we go….**

**This is in Edward's point of view. I think I'm going to make this whole story Edward's point of view to challenge myself but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you want though. I don't think there has been a story like this before and honestly, I don't think this will last for too long. The characters may be a bit OOC (hehe but not as much as my story, Psycho Alert). That's to be expected because I'm writing it and we all have our own writing styles. Okay? Now I hope you like it. Read and review please!**

This was too good to be true. I breathed in my love, Bella's scent and pulled her sleeping form closer to me. She looked so beautiful when she slept, so peaceful. She had already stopped sleep-talking so it was completely silent in the room. Well, other than the rhythmic pitter-pattering of the rain on the roof, of course.

Bella deserved so much more than what I could offer her. I knew this for sure now. I can't believe how much I hurt her, how stupid I was. In my defense, I honestly thought that she would be better off without me. She couldn't love me…

But beautiful, perfect, caring Bella did love me and I had no idea why. It was a mystery to me. Being away from her for all that time had literally been hell for me. I tortured myself everyday and that…that felt so much worse than my transformation had. I couldn't live without Bella, she was my other half, and without her I wasn't whole.

Although I hate to admit it, the _werewolf_…even thinking that filled me with disgust…was right. I heard his mind when Bella was talking to him. He really does care about her and I am eternally grateful to him for taking care of her and being there for her. I can't believe that he let her do something as stupid as riding a motorcycle or cliff-diving though. I don't care if it's a recreational sport or not, that's dangerous. I guess I wasn't too much better though…I left her. I am constantly asking myself why I did that. Wanting some peace of mind, I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent again, this being the closest to sleep that I was ever going to have.

Around six a.m. Charlie came in to check on her and left for work. He was really concerned about her and I really don't blame him. I can't believe Bella went all the way to Europe for me. I clenched my jaw as I remembered our deal with the Volturi. I had to change her…Can you believe that after all that has happened I still want a normal life with her?

Bella woke up two hours later, shifting in my arms and slowly opening my eyes. When she saw me next to her, her face broke out into a huge smile. Then, remembering something, her brow furrowed. "Edward…we have to talk."

This had been worrying me ever since I came back. Bella and I really had some things to work out. Honestly, I was scared…

"Okay…" I whispered.

**You like it? It's weird writing as Edward like this. Has anyone written this yet? Hmm? Okay umm…yeah…review please.**


	2. Feel How I Felt

**Thanks everyone who reviewed. You rock! Here is chapter 2 of this story. The whole story is probably going to be in Edward's point of view. Let's see if I can control myself. I'll do my best. **

**This is dedicated to whoever came up with the idea for the movie "The Swan Princess". That is by far my favorite childhood movie. I love it so much. Derek and Odette are the best!**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. This will be my only disclaimer for the whole story so put that in your minds okay? I wish I was a vampire…**

**Well, before I forget, the next chapter is dedicated to anyone who tells me their favorite childhood movie. Okay? Now, here's the next chapter. **

"Edward," she said softly, gently lifting my face so that I'd look at her.

"Bella," I returned. I really wasn't looking forward to this conversation.

"How could you leave me? How could you make me believe that you didn't love me? How could you do this to me?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Bella…I'm sorry. The only reason I have for you is that I wanted you to live a normal human life. I never expected any of this to happen to you. I guess you really are a danger magnet…" I smiled softly but she didn't find any humor in the situation.

"Edward Cullen, you know I cannot live without you. Do you even know how much that hurt me?"

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"You know what, that's not enough. I'm not the same person I was when you first met me. Tell me that if you had a chance to redo that you wouldn't have left me, that you won't ever leave me again." Her eyes were pleading with me but they held a type of coldness, a protective shield. Before I thought I had imagined it, but now I knew it was true. My Bella wasn't the same. And I knew that this had all been my fault.

"I…I don't know, Bella," I replied honestly. Even after everything that had happened, I still wanted a normal life for her. Obviously the 'clean break' that had been my original intention hadn't worked but if I felt that it was safer for her, I still couldn't promise that I'd stay. The fact that she was my other half and that I couldn't live without her didn't matter. I could deny myself.

"Edward, damn it, that's not enough. I'm almost completely sure that I love you more now. What the hell? **I** did not leave **you**. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you left me. You didn't care about how hurt I would be, about how much I needed you. When did you ever care about how I felt or what I wanted? It's always about your beliefs isn't it?"

"No…Bella, you don't understand," I tried to cut in but it was a weak attempt. She was winning and she knew it.

"No, Edward, I honestly think I do. You're a vampire, so what? You've slipped a few times and killed innocent people, I get that; I really do. I don't see what's so horrible about your lifestyle. And all that time, I just thought that maybe I just wasn't worth it. Maybe you didn't love me at all. Is that why you don't want to change me? Because Edward, I don't get it," she paused her, trying to collect herself but I saw the tears forming in her eyes. I did that too…

"Bella, no. I'm the one who is not worth it. I've told you this before." All I had were the same weak attempts at reasoning with her. What she said made complete self but I couldn't bring myself to do what she asked me to.

"Edward, you're wrong. Do you love me at all?"

"I love you so much, Bella Swan."

"Then why don't you want to spend eternity with me? Why did you leave me with nothing and no one? Just…why?"

"Because I love you." I couldn't bring myself to bring up all the things that she had done (i.e. cliff-diving) that broke the promise she made to me. I left her. I left her and I took away everything, even the belief that I loved her. I couldn't expect her to keep a promise like that.

"No you don't!" She screamed, shocking me. "I can't do this again Edward; I won't live through it next time. I just want to be with you, don't you understand? I…I, um, think that it'd be…uh…good for us to take a break."

"Bella, no, I need to be with you."

"I need you too, Edward. But before you can change me or at least begin to consider changing me, I think you need to feel what I went through so that you understand…"

"Isabella," I said cautiously, her words and the look in her eyes were scaring me. "What are you talking about?"

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid," she whispered so quietly that I barely heard her.

"What? No, Bella, don't…don't do this…" Her words reminded me so much of what I had said the day that I left her.

"Promise," she pleaded.

"I promise," I said, silently willing her not to do this. I had finally figured out what she meant.

"Goodbye Edward, never forget that I love you," she said as she grabbed the packed suitcase that I hadn't noticed from behind the rocking chair in the corner.

She walked swiftly down the stairs and outside to her truck. As she reached the front door, she said, "Don't follow me."

Panic-stricken, I watched her drive away until I couldn't see or hear her anymore. She left me. She left me just like I left her. But she gave me the one thing that I had made her believe I had taken away all those months ago, she gave me her love.

"Isabella," I said softly, hoping she was around here somewhere and that this had never happened.

When I was met with complete silence, cold, hard reality washed over me and it dawned on me that she was gone and she might never come back.

So I did the only logical thing I could think of. I ran. I didn't realize where I was going until I reached the front porch of my house. It was there that I broke down into dry, painful sobs.

Vaguely I felt two arms wrap around me and bring me into the house but I didn't try to figure out who it was. My Bella was gone and the world just turned into a hollow, empty place. This was so much worse than before I had met her. This was even worse than when I had left her. This gut-wrenching, heartfelt pain was so horrible that I couldn't put it into words. So I just sat there, sobbing, wishing for so many things. Wishing that I could cry. Wishing that I could sleep. Wishing that my Bella was here with me.

What have I done?

**Okay, that probably reminds you of New Moon and the plotline seems kind of the same right now but I swear it's different. Why? 5 Reasons…**

**He is Edward.**

**He's a vampire.**

**He knows Bella loves him.**

**He has a family.**

**There is no Jacob to console this broken Edward.**

**Hope you liked it. I'll try to update soon. **


	3. Time Passes

**One Month**

**Two Months**

**Three Months**

**Four Months **


	4. Blindly Getting By

**Hello everyone. Well, I am such an evil person. Is it wrong to enjoy writing cliff-hangers? No…actually I don't do that completely on purpose. It just feels right to end the chapter there. But I've been way overdue for updating this story so yeah…here you go. Thanks to "amberdark" for the final push I needed to update (and for the idea…hahaha). **

**Disclaimer: (I felt like putting one.) I am not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I have not written Twilight or New Moon which means that you cannot sue me because I do not claim to be her. **

"Edward?" I heard a soft voice call out to me. Blankly I looked up and stared at the person in my room. Was this my room? No…this was my new room. Esme built a new room onto the bottom floor for me after…the day.

_Oh Edward…how much longer is this going to last? _

I kept staring and it registered in the back of my mind that this was Alice. She was the only one who really looked at me the same anymore. Emmett stopped when his jokes never seemed to make me laugh…or smile…anymore. Rosalie stopped when she realized that she had no comfort to offer and since I didn't drive my car anymore, we had nothing to talk about. Jasper usually stayed at a safe distance away from me because he couldn't bear my emotions at a close range. Esme tried to be there in her motherly way but she was at loss as to what she could do. Carlisle simply had no idea what to say or how to offer his support. Alice kept trying though; I don't know why she did.

"Edward…you need to hunt," she reminded me quietly.

Vacantly, I nodded and walked outside with her to the surrounding forest, trying to ignore the thoughts of the rest of my family. I didn't have the will to do it though, so the thought came flooding through my mind.

_Poor Edward…if only there was more I could do. _Esme.

_I think he might be doing better than he was yesterday…oh wait, nevermind…_ Jasper

_I miss Bella…_

Alice dragged me outside then, after seeing the look of despair on my face. Before she could do anything though, I was off. I ran into the forest as fast as I could. I could hear Alice yelling back at the house.

"Who did it?" she yelled. "Whose fault is it this time?"

Little things like that set me off…this wasn't the first time I've had one of these breakdowns since she's left…

I killed a few deer, drinking enough to satiate my thirst but never stopping to enjoy the hunt. Running reminded me of her. So did the forest and the sky and the night and the trees and…

Sullenly, I walked deep into the forest, completely avoiding the meadow and into a small lake I had found there a few weeks ago. Sighing, I positioned myself under the water so that I was completely under and did my best to clear my mind of thoughts. The pain pressed down on me then, smothering me under the water. I don't know how long I stayed there for but when I finally got up, I heard someone yelling my name.

"Edward?" I heard them call. There was more than one person…

Why did they want me?

"Yes," I whispered softly.

They immediately changed direction then, their footsteps rushing toward me. Emmett was the first to find me. "Bro, don't scare us like that! When Alice didn't have any visions involving you, we thought that you'd found some way to off yourself that we hadn't thought of yet."

I just walked back to the house, wrapped up in everyone else's thoughts and trying to avoid my own.

Nobody could've predicted what would've happened when I reached the house. Okay…maybe Alice could've but you know what I mean…

"Edward." Carlisle stood in front of the door, arms crossed with Esme next to him.

Blinking, I looked up and me his eyes. His thoughts were confusing me. _This is for his own good. There is no other way. _

"What's going on?" I asked quietly.

"Edward, you've left us with no other choice…We don't know what to do with you. You have to go back to school."

"No! I can't do that," I whispered a little more forcefully. This is the first thing I had been passionate about in a long time.

"You have no choice."

"Where am I going to go? I've already graduated."

"You have two choices then…Either you can go to the school near Port Angelus or you can move away from us for a bit and go to college at Washington State."

"High school in Port Angelus," I replied automatically. I couldn't leave Forks.

"Okay…Edward, school starts this Monday."

What day was it today? Hm…today was Sunday. School starts tomorrow.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I realized this. "Oh shit!" was the only thing I could get out before images filled my mind. Her face, her smell, her clumsiness, her sleep-talking…so many wonderful memories. Each image was followed by pain. Pain I had tried so hard to block out for the past few months. Something else followed as well. Relief. I was relieved that I was finally dealing with it. That I could finally try to get my head around the whole thing.

I must've looked horrible shaking on the floor in the hallway whispering incoherent things like that. I wasn't too surprised when I felt two arms encircle my writhing form.

I didn't care though, about any of it. I was content with allowing myself the pleasure of just seeing her again, something I had denied myself for so long.

Oh Bella…I'm so sorry…

**Ah well, my ideas may be a tad overused but…yeah…okay…anyways, I hope you liked it and Edward goes to school next chapter. We need some normalcy in his life.**

**Review please! ) **


	5. AuthorsNote, so sorry

**Hello Everyone! **

**I know, I know, this is exceptionally cruel writing an author's note like this but please, just listen. **

**Okay, first I would like to apologize. I know you haven't heard from me in quite a while. I am in the process of writing the next few chapters for each of my stories actually and I felt the need to give you an update about that. For further information and news about anything having to do with my fan fics, I created a LiveJournal. Let me know if you have one as well! Oh, you'll find the link on my profile. **

**I truly am sorry and I hope that you will all give me one more chance and continue reading my story. Each and every one of your reviews means a lot to me as well as the fact that you take the time to read this. Expect to hear from me a lot in the very near future seeing as I am lining up quite a lot of chapters and updates for you guys. Making up for lost time, you know. **

**Thanks so much for listening! **

**EmoDre **


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